How time flies Nani ma, it’s been more than a week since you left me. I remember the last time we had a conversation, you told me to come and meet you and I told you it’s March, and I will come to India in December. At that time, I don’t know that my visit will become a forbidden wish and that you are going to leave me without anything left for me to say or do.
It feels to me now, as if time is going on and I am still waiting for you to call me and ask me when you are going to come. All my life, I look up to you and liked how you manage our home, how you keep everyone bound together as a family, and how you are the world’s best money-management teacher for our family. It is difficult for me to let you go, knowing that you already left my hand. I wish wherever you are, you are still behaving like you own nobody anything. You always say to Nanaji, that when I die, you all will realize and miss me. Trust me, not only he is realizing, but he also lost himself, remembering all those cute arguments, fights, and care of yours for us.
I know you suffered mentally more than physically in your life because of your skin disease. You used to think you are not pretty but believe me, you are a person who was beautiful inside and out and that disease can never define your beauty. I wish someone can tell you this thing daily, but you never understand, and I was not able to convince you anyways. The position of mental health in India is so bad that leaves the older generation, even the younger generation thinking twice before talking about it, and in the middle of that, many suffer, some die and others make it part of their living.
I wish you stayed with us for at least 10 years, and I can complete all of your expectations. Life was not fair with you, but you are my warrior, my boss woman always. And, you know, I can make rice and lentils now but your wish that someday I will make a feast for you remain a dream to me now.
I miss you Nani ma, you are my loveliest grandmother. I hope your soul rests in peace. I love you.
-A
